back to work!

Well I actually have be released to go back tomorrow for half days!  I am nervous and excited all at the same time.  I must remember that I can't get it done all in one day!  My boss was actually very welcoming to me - I know - watch my back.  But I am glad and I have see my counselor tomorrow after work - great timing huh? 

a nice getaway

Nothing new to report just feeling really good and recharged from a nice weekend away on the Delta Queen - it's docked in Chattanooga and we really enjoy it.  Tony and I got away to celebrate our 17th anniversary this weekend and it was so nice.  I really needed that.  I do have a busy week planned (lots of appts and errands) as next week I am supposed to begin half days at work - unless my knees act up again! 

still off

Thank God he has a plan because I simply did not know what to do...  I prayed that that he would show me what to do.  I went to my physical therapy today and guess what - I have one more visit and the therapist was not ready to release me.  I go back on the 16th and then she will she how I'm doing.  If she thinks I'm doing okay she will talk to the Dr about half days the following week.  Decision made - w/o me having to do anything - all that worry for nothing.  I am so glad God is in control because I could not decide whether or not to go back.  I do feel sore from the different exercises that we did today so I know that I'm not ready.  I am at peace with the decision...

anxious again

My mind is wandering a bit like a broken record again since the nurse practitioner has decreased my klonopin so I am going back to my original dose.  She said I could if I needed to - she just wanted me to try.  I haven't be able to go to sleep like was before and I am worrying/ruminating more than I was throughout the day.  But I also have reasons:   my knees, physical therapy ending and when to go back to work.  And the environment right now there from my co workers is bad.  It is going to be hard enough physically to go back and I want to be sure I am ready mentally as well. I will keep praying to let go and let God - because he is in charge as usual.  Let go Lisa...  let go...

the verdict on the other knee

The good news is that other knee just seems to be having some inflammation / arthritis. X- rays show that the knee looks better than the surgical knee!  Nothing seems to warrant another MRI - no suspected tear in cartilage - yay!  Had another cortisone shot - helping already today!  Crutches not needed past 24 hours. 

Bad news:  doc has ordered a round of therapy for the other knee but my ins co will not allow anymore visits after my 20th visit on monday!  He will not release me yet and I see him on july 2nd.  He did say if I was feeling better he would release me sooner but not yet.  I have a big decision to make after monday.  Hopefully I will feel better enough to go back - you know before the snap I was ready.  It scares me to think I have to make this decision on my own but my PT says I know what to do as far as exercising that knee.  And my sis in law is a PT in my hometown and she will email me some new stuff to work on and suggests going to drugstore for some knee supports for when I go back.  It's gonna be okay!

Thank goodness I see my therapist (mental) today to talk - it will help to work it out.  My friends on girls nite say stay off as long as I can but I can't in my heart if I do start feeling better - I don't want to 'milk it' as they say. Cuz something could happen again and I won't have any sick time left - even though I have a lot of vacation left.  My boss told me yesterday that I was truly missed, but also asked if this was gonna be a chronic condition - that made me nervous.  Anyway she did also say that if something were to happen at work - it would be a workmen's comp issue and then I would have to be off again so that wouldn't be good.  So that's what's on my mind today.  Along with resting, tresting and resting!  One of my friends she would pray for the 'rest monsters to stay away' - isn't that cute. 

BTW: my 17th anniversary is today - wow! We're going to dinner tonight and getting away to celebrate next weekend!

my 100th post

Like we knew this wouldn't happen?  While I was out today something snapped in my 'good knee'!  I can walk on it but not without pain.  I called my ortho's nurse and since I am going tomorrow anyway for check up on my other knee...  I am to be back on the crutches, propping, resting, icing. I also called my PT so she would know.  Wow what a turn of events - I guess it's just tired.  I called work also to let them know what happened and that when I did come back on thurs that I would not be back 100%.  I cried when I talked to the human resource girl and said I hope they don't fire me.  She said, 'Lisa even if they wanted to they couldn't'.  I don't know whether to be comforted or suspicious  - no I know better - they have to save me a position. I'm sure it will all be okay.  My sis in law who is a PT in my home town said this weekend that I was going to need therapy on the other knee for awhile - boy she was right!  She said at this time that I would not need surgery - I hope she's still right! 

last days

Today and tomorrow are my last days on fmla.  I meet with my nurse practitioner this morning for med check.  I'm feeling good and hope it continues even when I am back at work.  I feel such peace since I have been forgiving myself - I pray for it everyday.  It's really helping me but I know that it will not be easy when I get back to the daily grind a work - I may fall back into old habits.  I ordered a medal the other day from the catholic online store - my friend Vic and I were discussing when other not the was a saint for mental health...  we  sure enough the were several!  I ended up choosing St Dymphna - the patron saint of mental illness and she also is for many other causes and for mental health professionals.  It seemed to be the one for me - and I  have been wearing her everyday.  I hope that it can serve as a reminder to me - I need all the help I can get.  I am looking forward to going back and I also think that is a good sign.  Luckily I will see my therapist the eve after my first day back - I'm sure I will need a refresher =) can't wait!  Therapy and forgiveness are the best gifts I have ever given myself.