she's still trying

She just doesn't get it - she tried to talk again today about coffee - asked if i would sell her a cup... I've done that before with another co worker in her dept and she knows it.  She is trying to act like another co worker would I guess.  But what she doesn't get is I'm not having it!  Today When I went to lunch yesterday I shut my office door so she wouldn't get into my coffee - ha ha!  I treat her like any other co worker that I dislike - cuz I don't want her to feel discriminated against. She will probably bring that co worker down today to see if I would sell her a cup and then sell her one too - she is pitiful and I don't have time for her...  why doesn't she get her coffee from her girlfriend Sarah's office??  and leave me alone??

it worked

What my therapist said to think of when i see her worked!  It is an image in my head (that's gross to me) that i think of when i see her coming, or i think she's around and i'm able to handle her. Interesting ha??  She tried to talk personal stuff today... wanted to know if i still made coffee in the afternoon like i used to (as if i would start that again!)  and she told me one of her cats died and  told her i was sorry but i didn't feel the need to say anymore.  Yay for me!  Keep it up!  She has no more power over me!

hanging in there

Well I see her on my unit almost everyday and it is getting easier - I guess or maybe I'm fooling myself.  She actually spoke to me about non work related stuff and that made me uncomfortable because I feel like she's trying to act normal but I can't do that.  She's not being inappropriate but I'm sure that if I engage in conversations with her that it would lead to it.  So I try to stay busy...  I called my husband yesterday while she was there so I didn't have to hear her voice on the unit - she was whining to a co worker - I never could stand her whining...  I also saw K yesterday - she was pleasant when we spoke but there is nothing...  and that is fine with me.  Wow how things can change in an instant... OH and my Dad tried to come by and see me while he was in town but as luck would have it I was unavailable - not ready to deal with him yet.  I am still very hurt by him not coming to my my dear mother in laws funeral.   I have therapy today and I'm glad - I need it.  Then later tonight - Date Night!  

feeling good today

The anger has seemed to have subsided...  I usually stay busy when she's around or go to lunch.  I am so tired of working on myself - it is such a full time job!  But I know in the end I will be better for it - I just wish I could take a week off or so!  LOL  I promise I'll get right back to it - ha ha!  I know just keep on keeping on...

a quote for me

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. -Mark Twain

working on anger

Talked with my therapist yesterday and big surprise she told me that the anger I feel is only hurting me.  We talked a lot about the betrayal too involving Sarah and how I am still hurt by this.  I can forgive her but I can never trust her like before..  She said this is understandable - and only in the future - when that relationship with the bloodsucker is over &  if she really tries to re connect with me should I even consider rebuilding a relationship - but she said it still won't be the same.  Until then time is the only answer.  I have had a lot of time and thought I was okay with it  but that was before the bloodsucker was able to come and work on my unit again.  It's like it's all up in my face again. This will get better - if not I am wanting to leave there anyways - just wanting for a door to open.  In the meantime - a lot of folks at work are snooping around asking about how I'm doing about the boss being gone, the bloodsucker coming back, am I leaving - just to be nosy.  I think they have noticed that I am more guarded and not as open as I usually am.   I have been working hard on boundaries with people - part of my homework - it's not easy as I am an open book.  Thank goodness for this blog, therapy, husband and true friends who let me release my inner feelings and don't stab me in the back. 

wanting paybacks

I want her to pay - it is evil and there I have said it.  I hold grudges - I'm sorry and I will try better.  I want her to hurt like she hurt me but more.  Okay now that I have say it i should be the better person and all.  Great news I see my therapist Thursday and I can work it all out.  Until the I will Just stay busy and ignore her...