whew!

well didn't have to worry about my home work because therapist said maybe i wasn't ready yet and that was okay - whew!  but it still hangs there waiting for me.  i know i won't be healed completely till i do this but for some reason i feel i need to still persecute myself.  i need to remember that i was a victim for what happened - all my life - it's to hard to see right now...  i just want to move on and not identify with that person anymore. 

other distractions now are a good friend's daughter has breast cancer at 41! and a sweet little 2 year old died yesterday of brain cancer - i follow his momma's blog..  wow that'll really bring you back to reality. 

don't know the answers to life...  just trying to stay in the game.  it gets easier everyday with prayer - so glad i have found that part of myself...

avoiding homework

no i am not back in school...  i am supposed to be writing a letter to myself ...  where i am supposed to forgive myself...  not doing so good on that one! in fact just avoiding it all together.  in my defense i have been busy with work, was on vacation, the holidays, etc.  anyways therapy tomorrow - what should i do say -  my dog ate my homework? LOL

still here

i've not been posting as much...  i must be feeling pretty good and i am sure the road back to running has helped me feel more like myself!!  i am still running once a week - now last week i got in an extra day and that was a celebration!  it's going well only having to stop a couple of times when that knee starts feeling funny - not hurting but just feels funny.  it's hard to describe but i listen to it - give it a break for a moment and then start again.  no more racing for me and that's fine.  i am happy just to be moving my body in that familiar way again - it feels great.  other news:  had been a month since last therapy session and i felt like i had so much going on.  going every 2 weeks seems like too much - which is what i am supposed to do.  but when i try to stretch it out cuz i think i'm okay - it seems i have so much to say and feel like i should have come in sooner!!  ha ha that's how it goes i guess.  i am really working hard but i don't think i will ever graduate - as i call it.  but that is not the plan that God has for me.  i have a lifetime of junk in my head that has to come out so it takes a while to purge it all out.

5th run

ran 28 mins yesterday and had a nice walk back.  note i count my runs as minutes rather than distance b/c i can't focus on distance - just that i am moving.  it still feels great - amazing how my breathing has come back so quickly - when i first ran i could not run a block w/o being winded!  one of my friends agrees with me that my gait is kinda like a gimp! and i did do a fart lick too!  great stretch for my legs at the end!

still running

ran 32 mins today - don't know how long i will be able to run but sure enjoy this ride!!

doing okay

med change is complete...  no restless legs again...  and no decline in mood.   so i'm doing okay for now. 

don't know if i mentioned this last time time i met with the therapist she said what would make you happy?  and i said if i could run again....  today i am happy to report that i am trying and up to 20 mins.  some days i'm winded and some days i'm not.   i have had to change my style of course... i  have to do it ever so gingerly and oh how i have missed it!!!!  it's been a year and a half since i ran and so far the 'bad knee' is letting me... where before it would not.  i don't know what's going on but i will enjoy it while it last as i am sure this is only a fleeting moment.  the knee will give out and then i deal with it when it happens...  or maybe God has another plan for me...

loving this...

http://youtu.be/dipFMJckZOM