What a week it has been! My unit opened up with 8 residents on monday - wow what a whirlwind! They are all adjusting nicely and i am exhausted - i slept in until 10 o'clock today! I did work half a day and that was nice to be with them on the holidays. I am waiting for my supper to settle so i can go work out! Today what has been on my mind is my dear mother in law - she died one year ago today. I am so thankful for having her in my life. So our holiday was a bit different - we just did our thing this year and stayed away from things that made us sad. I always hate the holidays b/c of my own family situation (crazy mother and enabling father) and just can't bear spending it with another friend's family - as we have done in the past b/c it just make me feel so sad that my family can't be like that. And this year with tony's mom gone he didn't really want to face his family - understandable. My therapist told me if the holidays are that bad so just do something else and why make ourselves miserable? So we a starting a new tradition of just him and me together - nothing else - we may go out to eat or go out of town - it's our decision. We were going out of town but my unit opened a little earlier than expected so we had to be flexible. But it was a nice day - tony ran with a friend while i slept in and he slept while i was a work and then we went out to eat. It was a nice easy day.
I did make a big step today... i finally heard from my dad - he sent an email. I caught him up on the news of me the past year: breakdowns, meds / therapy (again) and my surgery. I don't recall when i last heard from him... probably when i called to tell him about tony's mom. No, i take that back i did get a Christmas card with $ and spent it with a pit in my stomach. But my big step was that took the opportunity to tell him what i have been wanting to know: why did he not come to my m-i-l's funeral? and that him not coming contributed to my 2nd breakdown - i was having a hard enough time trying to remain in this world as it was and again he let me down. I ended the letter with telling him i didn't really want to know why b/c i know it would be a bunch of excuses as it always is. Wow - i am such a big girl! Didn't think this time last year i would have been able to do that! I think my therapist will be proud!
Happy Thanksgiving! We had a very quiet day too. My oldest son and girlfriend had made plans so they were not coming to dinner with us and middle son had to work tonight in Vermont so it was just Daughter, husband and I out to dinner. We were all together this morning for the annual 5K and that made me very happy. I would much rather have everyone there, outside, doing something active than just eating together.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL really put on the pressure about why we didn't force the kids to eat with us. She just doesn't understand that they are leading their own lives now. I figure that if I let them make their own decisions, they will come back to us again in the future.
We had a lovely dinner out, just the three of us!
I did confront my parents about the "injustices" of my childhood but I really didn't get any satisfaction out of it. My mother couldn't remember anything that I was talking about. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother and I did realize a few years ago that even though we all grew up with the same parents we all have different memories and see things in different ways. Sometimes just saying it is what is important because you cannot rely on the person you are speaking to to react in the way we choose. You did well! At least your Dad knows what is troubling you now.