Saturday, January 8, 2011
crying to the boss
I hate that i do this - cry in front of the boss! But i did when i had to talk to her about another co worker busting my chops about stuff that isn't any of her business. Since the beginning she makes comments to me that make me feel like she's trying to get me in trouble or that she thinks i don't what i'm doing. I have a lot to learn about how this company does things and i'm not perfect but i am trying. I don't have that much time on my hands to pick at other people's work! So i just had to hear from the boss that i was doing a good job or that even if there was problems that she at least saw that i was trying. She said that i was doing fine, that she really didn't have a hold of all i have to do for my job but that she had no concerns. She said as she often does the first year of opening a new building is hard and she said we all have a lot to learn. She told me to tell this co worker politely that my programs are different from hers and not to take what she said as that i'm not doing a good job. She said she would come to me if there was an issue. I told her that at my last job there was so much backstabbing and spying going on that this was just bothering me and i had to get it out. Even though i feel like that this is not her management style i told her i was worried b/c the co worker kept saying stuff like you might get in trouble or i don't want you to lose your job, etc. In addition, 3 different times people have come up to me this week and have made a special point to say that i was doing a good job out of the blue, after this co worker has made about my work and it kinda made me paranoid that this person was talking about me behind my back. I did share this with the boss because this company has no tolerance for politics - the boss said she has not come to her with any concerns. I hope the boss doesn't think bad of me for coming to her but i needed to find out from her personally. I know that i take a lot of stuff personal but sometimes i just need some reassurance that i'm okay from the boss - i hope this is a normal thing and not my irrational thoughts coming in to play here.
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Detach! Go about your work and detach from all the other stuff. Detach! She does not even know what is/has been going on with you and you are letting her into your head and it is messing with you. Detach!
ReplyDeleteyes but how? i prayed today for compassion for her but i don't really care about her or want to care about her - is this wrong? on the flip side she constantly come to tell me her problems - doesn't ask for advice but tells me more than i want to know. i know i'm not the only one she shares stuff there at work b/c others tell me have you heard what's going on? i don't really care... how do i tell her i can't hear it - b/c we have to work together on things... i just want her to leave me alone... personally and professionally... i guess i am surprised that's she's on me like she is b/c i do listen to her - i wouldn't treat someone like this who listened to my problems?!?!?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like it is a repeat of the problems in the last work place. Maybe when she talks about personal things gently steer her back to the job by not continuing the conversation. If you have to listen, don't react to what she is saying..Oh, that is too bad now about this task we are on...
ReplyDeleteI also am a nice person, but you need compassion for yourself right now. You are in recovery from a very difficult year and it may hold up your progress by getting involved with her. You work together, that is it. There must be a way, even if it does not feel natural for you, to shut her down with the personal sharing. She seems to be sucking you in and I am sure that she is on you because you ARE listening to her. Try to keep it professional, you are the first priority here.
Also, she is a new person in your life and you don't know much about her. You don't know her past and it may be a very good idea to keep distance from her. Keep it professional by gently discouraging her sharing. If that doesn't work, tell her right out that you need to concentrate on your job right now.
you're right is does sound like a repeat... ugh - one step forward 2 steps back - i will have to come up with something to stop the conversation like you said. i will pray that i find the strength to put up a boundary here - i have to like you said i am the first priority here!!!
ReplyDeletewhy do i attract such bloodsuckers? hope this one doesn't try to come on to me like the last!!