praying for forgiveness instead

2 days in a row I have prayed that I would begin to forgive myself.  I am doing this rather than praying for relief of the usual worry / guilt / anxiety / restlessness.  I believe that if I forgive myself those other things will go away. Sometime you've just gotta know what to pray for - God lease let that be true.  I have made many mistakes in my life but It's not because it's what I deserve or I had it coming to me.   For example:  I did not deserve what that bloodsucker did to me!! I may have made mistakes with her but she used me in her game.  Luckily I came out of it before real damage was done.  But I DID NOT DESERVE THE WAY I WAS TREATED.   I have to tell myself this out loud because the inner voice from my childhood says - your mom would think so - you were good for nothing anyways, you weren't gonna amount to anything...
So I have to stop that inner voice and I will.  I have proved my mother wrong but she will never see it because she's sick. I did not deserve the way she treated me either but she couldn't help it b/c of her sickness and I have to let it go.   I am remembering that quote - forgiving means giving up all hope of a better past!  I love that!

If only Sarah could see the light but she's too in love right now - I pray for her everyday!

I do feel really good today - no kidding!  I am staying in my pj's until I go and get my nails done at 4:30p and then girls nite is later tonight - woo hoo!