Wednesday, January 6, 2010

stronger

I feel myself getting stronger and I am sure it is the meds but regardless it feels good for a change. My old friend who I affectionately call 'mama' came to see me today and she said ' are you faking it?' and I said 'actually this time I'm not'. She always knows. I had called her on day 9 and she said I sounded 'too happy on the message machine'. I did not want her to worry so I tried to sound upbeat but she knew better. Funny how this friend thing works. Another old friend of mine told me yesterday 'you know if you have to ask or wonder if someone is really your friend - they're not because you shouldn't have to question it'. That is such a valid point and I am trying to apply that to someone I am questioning as my friend. She has withdrawn big time and it hurts but I know I will be okay. Since I don't care it seems she is trying to give me more attention. Today she made a special trip to see me to talk and I wonder why - is it because her latest friend didn't have time for her or did she really need me. I later overheard her tell someone else the same story she had confided to me. I think why bother coming to me when there are so many others who would listen to her, Maybe she misses me but I really wonder... She even asked for a hug and I said 'I thought you didn't need those anymore' and she responded 'I don't because I getting stronger now' but she gave me one anyway. I also said 'I'm surprised you came to see me' - I don't really remember what she said but it was nothing significant. Kinda like this friendship huh? I hope I'm wrong... because I really care about her... I am so sick of one-sided friendships!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment