waiting to heal

This is so hard...  going around acting like I am okay all the time. I am getting okay but not healed like everyone wants me to be.  It is exhausting and I think I just need to take to my bed.  I don't know why I am so down right but then again I do know.  This is how it goes - you're up one minute and the next you're down.  When will I feel better?  When will this get easier or not hurt so bad?  When will I feel like my self again?  Do I even know what that is anymore?  Why am I this way?  Why do I keep making poor choices?  Why do I have to be so guilty, anxious and restless all the time?  How did I get to be this way?  Why does it keep happening?  I hope I get some answers soon.  Until then staying busy seems to be the answer - but again that is exhausting...